“How To Talk To Sellers And Get Them To Accept Your Offer Every Time”

The article for today is a dialogue with my Inner Circle Group. We get together on a teleconference every other week and all I do is answer questions.


Sometimes, the biggest hurdle my students have is themselves. Read the following dialogue and see if you can find yourself in this problem. Listen to my answers and see if they make sense to you.

Being able to speak to a Seller credibly is vital to this process, but it only comes through knowledge, practice and proper coaching.

Let’s listen in… (forgive the typos.. it’s a straight transcript of the call)

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Joe: Out of the 5 Sellers that you talked to, why do you think you didn’t you put a deal together?

Kara: One wanted references and my credit report.

Joe: And why did they want that? Did you ask them why?

Kara: Yes, because she said she didn’t know me from Adam and she basically didn’t trust me __.

Joe: Well, you can …

Kara: Considering I don’t have any references, I stumbled over my words and lost the deal.

Joe: Right. Did you know that no one ever asks me for my references. No one ever asks Azam or Rick or Nina for their references. (Joe’s Note: Those are three of my now wealthy, successful students)

Kara: Why is that?

Joe: It’s because of the way you approach it. It’s the way that you come at the deal. First of all, you’re not coming at it as an investor. You need to come at it to solve their problem. You know I’m here to help you. I’m not looking for a job… I’m qualifying you to see if I can help you. You’re there to solve their problem and if they want you to help, you can do it. Part of it is you have to go in and try to find out what the problem is. Did you find out what the problem was before she asked you for that stuff?

Kara: I did.

Joe: And what was the problem?

Kara: She had a townhouse and when I first started talking to her about why it had been listed so long, and how she had a lot of showings. The feedback that she got back from people was that the property was in a high rent area and they didn’t like that. The homeowners ….

Joe: They didn’t want to have a condo in a high rent area?

Kara: Apparently there were apartment buildings and stuff, too.

Joe: O.K. An area that has a lot of rentals?

Kara: Uh hum.

Joe: O.K. So she just couldn’t get it sold?

Kara: Right.

Joe: But that’s not her problem. What’s her problem?

Kara: Well, the problem is she is getting ready to move into a house next week and she was stressed because she was going to have to be making 2 payments. So she found someone to rent the property, Section 8. She didn’t realize that going on Section 8 the property has to be vacant for Section 8 to come in and do their inspection, blah, blah. Because of that she fell beyond the 10 days that they have, and she was trying to find out a little bit more information of what I did so basically then she could do it herself.

Joe: Let me stop you again, Kara. I think you’re missing the point. I don’t mean to beat you up because I think a lot of you guys are missing the point on some of this stuff. What is the problem that the seller has? It’s not about the problem they’re having selling the property. That’s not their problem. What’s the problem of not being able to sell their house? We know they need to sell their house. What does not being able to sell their house create for them? What is the problem that that creates for her? Was she able to make that payment without a problem if she doesn’t get it sold?

Kara: No. I guess that’s why she wants somebody to rent it.

Joe: Right. So, there’s her problem. Now does she like being a landlord?

Kara: No.

Joe: Why not?

Kara: She said she was willing to give me the job.

Joe: I think that’s the crux of it. Is she motivated? You’ve got to find that out. And if she’s willing to be a landlord and experience that, she’s probably doing that because she hasn’t experienced it before. She doesn’t understand what she’s getting into. That’s no problem. It just means that she’s not motivated enough. So sometimes what you have to do in a situation like that is start asking her questions. Have you been a landlord before? Have you heard any horror stories about being a landlord? Do you think that’s going to be a problem at all?

solutionSo you see, it’s not an issue for you at all. Try to help her. First of all, see if she is afraid of it. Because some people just do it and think “I’m going to succeed.” You know a lot of people are good landlords and they like it. But other people go at it – “I really don’t want to be a landlord.” I really hate this but it’s my only resort. My credit is going to be trashed. I’m going to lose everything. I’m going to file bankruptcy. That person is motivated… not the person, who wants to try it and say “I don’t mind giving it a try, it might work.”

Kara: I think that was where she was. She was going to get a couple hundred dollars in cash flow on it.

Joe: Right. What you can do is say if you get into this landlord thing and find out it’s not your cup of tea, because I know a lot of people who are calling back me later… just call me back and I’ll be happy to work with you then.

If you keep control of the conversation, I think may be what’s happening… you are losing control of the conversation. If you ask questions, you have control of the conversation. The only way that you are going to give them confidence is by leadership. You are going to give them confidence by showing that you know what you’re talking about. And you don’t feel confident that you know what you’re talking about.

That’s the problem with all beginners. You know you don’t feel that confidence. I think you underestimate your own knowledge of what you’re doing here. You have a lot of knowledge about this process already. I’ve talked to you. I know you’ve been to the buying events. I know you’re smart and personable… So it’s just a matter of you saying “I’m going to take control of this conversation.”

Find the pain


See if they really understand their pain and if they don’t understand their pain, help them understand it. And if that doesn’t work, they are not motivated. And you go on to the next person. But find the pain and you’ll find the deal.

If there is no pain there, there is no deal there. So you have to constantly go for that pain. Once again, I don’t mean to keep beating on you, cause I’m really directing this to everyone on the call.

Having a house to sell is not the problem. Having a condo that’s in an area that has a lot of apartments, that’s not the problem. Having a real estate agent that doesn’t know what they are doing, that’s not the problem.

The problem is that they can’t get their property sold and if they don’t get their property sold, they are going to experience X pain.

They can’t make the payment. They can’t solve that problem somehow. Or they’ve got to get away from that property for whatever reason. It’s not always money that creates the pain. And you have to be able to discern if their pain is sufficient enough.

It goes back to my old story of the lady who lives across the street from her ex-boyfriend who got a new girlfriend. And she just doesn’t want to live there anymore. She is in pain and you cannot gauge other people’s pain. That was something that my brother told me a long time ago and it wasn’t about business. It was just about life in general. You know, people experience pain in their life and you can’t know what kind of pain they are going through even if you go through some of the same things they have.

You may be able to empathize on some level but you can’t understand the exact pain they are going through. I was talking to my wife the other day and when she was working as a legal secretary in LA before I met her, some of her friends were black.

They lived in South Central LA. They were constantly telling her that you couldn’t possibly understand what it is to be black. This was an Irish, Catholic girl coming from 6 people in her family. It’s true she couldn’t experience what it meant to be black, but she could experience what it meant to grow up in an all Hispanic area when she was a white, Irish girl. And she could experience what it meant to be isolated and left out and abused. She could experience some of things they have in common even though she couldn’t experience their exact same thing.

SolutionWe don’t know what the pain is that they are going through and a lot of times they won’t even tell us the things that go deeper than the financial stuff because there is usually something on top of the financial stuff that is eating at them.

If you can find out what they are trying to accomplish, you can solve their problem. That’s why people come up to me after we do a deal together and hug me and cry and thank me. That’s why buyers come up to me and say, “You can’t imagine what this means to me to have a house. I didn’t think I could ever buy a house.”

That is the thing you have to be focused on


You have to take the focus off of yourself. This also by the way (excuse me if I’m ranting, but I think I’m going to write a real estate book on this). I think the things that you need in order to accomplish what you’re doing, comes from self-confidence.

The self-confidence comes from the idea of what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. If you going out there just to make money, that’s a whole different attitude than if I’m going out there to see how many people I can help.

I don’t know how to explain that clearly. I’m not sure if I’m getting that idea across very well. You know when you heard that mantra, from Zig Zigler, the more people you help, the more money you make. But if you truly go at it and say, “Who is this person and how can I help them? Do they have a problem? Do they recognize their problem? Can I solve that problem for them?”

If we change our whole mindset… Change our whole attitude about why we’re doing this and the frustration, anger and resentment and fear of failure that come with this process, they disappear.

When you focus on somebody else… here’s an example…

When I first got up in front of a group to do a seminar, I didn’t really know what the heck I was doing. I got up and started talking and 20 seconds into it (it seemed like it was minutes into it, but it was really only seconds) I realized I was just rambling. I was nervous. I was thinking about myself. And I said to myself right then and there, “Joe, you’re thinking about yourself. You know, these people came to learn. What do they need to learn right now? Teach them what you know because you know a lot.” I suddenly stopped, I paused and I looked at each one of them in the audience and I started teaching them. Because I knew they needed to learn what I had to say.

It changed everything. So don’t think about yourself. That’s what causes the nervousness. That’s what causes the lack of confidence. That’s what causes the fear. That’s why people don’t want to get on the phone. Because the core reason they are doing it is for themselves and not for somebody else.

This is Spiritual, Real Estate, Entrepreneurship 101. (Laughter)

Kara: Well, I believe that too. You have to believe in your heart that you are going to be able to help people or it’s not going to come true. And if you’re just in it for the money, that will show through.

Joe: Well, you can do it just for the money. I’ve seen people succeed just for the money. A lot of times they just hammer their way through. But you know most people aren’t comfortable with that. Most people feel uncomfortable with that. Most people have been raised with the idea that if you’re rich you have taken advantage of somebody. And somehow you are taking advantage of somebody when you go in there and take their property from them when they are in distress. To me that’s the same as looking at a heart surgeon and thinking he/she is taking advantage of that poor person with a heart problem by charging them all that money to save their life.

Kara: I don’t know if the surgeon would think that.

Joe: No, none of them do. That’s because they are in there saving those people’s lives. And those people they save are happy to pay that money. Why is it that real estate investors feel like they are going in there and taking advantage of people when they are going in there and saving those people’s financial lives. I mean, that’s what we’re doing.

So we have to start looking at ourselves a little bit differently and also think about what we’re doing differently because it will change our resolve. When what you’re doing isn’t working, you stop doing what’s not working and change it.

businessman hand shows word thinking outside the boxAnd you look at the root of what’s not working and for you, it’s not because you’re not getting responses to these ads. You know that’s coming in. And there are plenty of other places to get leads. It’s because of the way you’re talking and putting deals together. There are other things that could happen that could create problems in your business. We’ve got places in the country that may be a little harder to work in and you’ll have to go out of your area. So there will always be challenges.

Kara: I don’t think that is what is here, because I have a stack of quality leads that I’ve ran ads for and I haven’t been able to do a deal. So, obviously, it’s something with the way I’m speaking to people.

Joe: Right. I think it is too. Are you going to come to the boot camp, by the way?

Kara: I may try. Yeah. (Joe’s Note: She was there and put deals together while she was with me)

Joe: O.K. Do you feel that helped you to get involved with the process.

Kara: Oh, yes. It did a lot. But there again the leads I had and was working on didn’t come through.

Joe: But you have to learn how to do it first. I’m trying to teach you a whole new career in a very short time. Most people will go spend 4 years in college or 6 years or 8 years of college to learn a skill, here I’m trying to teach it to you in months or weeks. There’s a lot to learn, but there are certain basics that you can do immediately.

The more people you talk to, the better it’s going to be for you.

Joe’s Note: Boy, that was good. I’m smiling as I read this. I love this stuff. It is the heart and soul of what it takes to succeed in life. Get rid of the focus on yourself and put it on others… then get the specific knowledge you need and practice like crazy to get yourself to the next level.

Knowledge, commitment, ACTION… and the greatest of these is ACTION.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>


  1. March 6, 2013 at 6:23 pm · Reply

    Hi James,
    I don’t have one scheduled right now, but when I do, it will be posted on my site here:

    I expect I will do one in the fall… Sept. or Oct.
    I hope you can make it.
    In the meantime, you can check out my new program here:

    Hope that helps.

  2. February 19, 2013 at 4:36 am · Reply

    Hello Joe, Due to my need to save and plan in advance,when is your next weekend buying event? How can I qualify to attend? Thanks, James

Subscribe To Updates
  • Buy Houses With ZERO Down
  • Automation Techniques For Investors
  • New Lessons Weekly